With the ongoing trial of Mirror journalists accused of phone hacking, each defendant has reassured the British public Piers Morgan is still a cunt.
Trying to curry favour with the jury, former Mirror hack Clive Mercer had the following to say.
'Although you have before you transcripts of me discussing my phone hacking activities, photographs, videos, sworn statements and my mother telling you I was a lying little shit as a boy. Despite all that, I assure you that Piers Morgan is a cunt.'
A juror, who spoke to us on condition of anonymity, said 'Whilst Mr. Mercer is blatantly as guilty as OJ Simpson, he did say Piers Morgan was a cunt. I'm inclined to let him off. Because if he speaks that universal truth, maybe he's not so bad after all.'
Piers Morgan has denied all knowledge of any phone hacking whilst he was editor of the Mirror, showing him to either have been inept or a liar. Either way, he's a cunt.