News that El Niño is on its way over the Pacific Ocean has lead to increased tensions amongst the general populace.
A warm current that brings highly changeable weather, most people have no clue what is actually going on.
'The newspapers said this time, El Niño will be particularly strong' said Ash Kennedy, an accountant from Carlisle.
'I'm really worried. Just how many Mexicans are going to invade anyway?!
And Dave Bentley, a media analyst from Horwich said 'What are we supposed to do?'
'How can we fight it. It's 300 feet tall and breathes fire. El Fucking Niño is coming!'
Asked what he thought El Niño actually was, Dave said 'It's Godzillas big brother.'
'Or, or, a huge fucking plague. Or the devil raining brimstone on us. Or an alien invasion.'
'A massive red cock seems to grow off South America, I know that for sure.'
'But I don't fucking know! Help me please!!'
Nurses say Mr. Bentley may be visitted between 4pm and 7pm.