All Random Bodies to be Labelled Madeleine McCann Until Proven Otherwise

All small bodies will automatically be labelled as being Madeleine McCann until DNA tests prove otherwise it was announced today.

Missing Madeleine has been acknowledged as being without doubt the most important of the world's missing children on account of her parents being white and middle class.

'There's no doubt the child of two doctors is more important than any other of the thousands of missing children worldwide.' said Ash Kennedy, spokesman for the McCanns.

'We will quietly ignore the fact that 3 children under the age of 3 years old were left alone in a hotel room for at least 30 minutes at a time whilst their parents got wankered.'

'What is essential is we keep the world's media energised on this story to help hide the parents guilt. All bodies must therefore be assumed to be Madeleine until proven otherwise.'

'I acknowledge this action may make the McCann's look like utter and complete cunts.'

'And you would be right.'