Daily Mail Journalists have been promised vast financial and egotistical benefits if they help destroy the BBC it has emerged.
Mail owner Paul Dacre, who wishes to buy vast chunks of a sold off BBC, has ensured editorial discipline by promising a channel per journalist.
'I couldn't be smugger' said Quentin Letts.
'Finally there will be rolling, 24 hour me. Days and days and days of condescension towards women, chastising the poor for existing and openly mocking anyone who doesn't talk like myself or the Queen. Glorious!'
And Richard Littlejohn also expressed his glee.
'Can you imagine a channel populated by UKIP voters slagging off Muslims and gays in equal measure? I can. And it makes me hard.'
You couldn't make it up. Though we wish we fucking had.