Windows 10: 'Our Giving it Away Is in No Way a Sign It's Sh*t'

With the free release of Windows 10 fast approaching, Microsoft deny that the product is free because it is a huge great steaming pile of wank.

'We acknowledge we have had problems in the past' said Mike Dilger, head of corporate image.

'The blue screen of death was never popular. Nor was Vista which was only useable after a three week residential training course.'

'And Windows 8, with its tiles and abandonement of the Start button was fine if you had a touchscreen. But for the average laptop user it was an utter nightmare.'

'So we have listened and learnt. We have added back lots of old features. And, of course, because we are Microsoft, we've added hundreds more, none of which are any use and will serve only to infuriate you.'

'So just have it. For free. And please don't sue us.'