The four remaining members of pop group One Direction - Harry Styles, Louis Something, Big Hair and Cunt Features - have announced they will split in March 2016 to spend a year pursuing solo projects.
A petition has already been created by human rights groups calling on the band to split up immediately, to pursue solo projects solely in the privacy of their own homes and to never, ever reform in any form.
'Parents are going to have to tolerate 7 months of hormonal teenage girl angst, crying and irrational behaviour. Well more so than usual anyway' said Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute.
'We recommend the members of One Direction sign our three point world peace and safety plan. Firstly, split now and never reform. Secondly, denounce Simon Cowell. And thirdly, quietly commit suicide.'
'With this 3-point plan, we feel confident we can keep the consequences to a minimum'
Simon Cowell has been ordered to never form any more super groups ever. And by super we mean shite.
