Revellers this weekend are to be warned from drinking liquids that have no place in the human body it has been announced.
Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute said 'After a woman has been permanently injured from drinking liquid nitrogen it is imperative people follow these guidelines.'
He continued 'Do not drink molten lava. It is really quite hot and may set you on fire from the inside.'
'The same is true of burning petrol. Do not swallow bleach. This will eat through your guts and you will die slowly and in agony.'
'Also, you must not drink superglue. You have no idea what it will do to your pleasure bits.'
We asked the Professor if there were any other liquids that should not be consumed.
'Well yes. Thousands. Oh you know what, fuck it. If you are moronic enough to put this shit in your mouth, we don't need your genes any more. Die a slow, horrible death, you pissing halfwit.'