Elton John has shocked the world by acknowledging the Vladimir Putin gives really bad blow jobs it emerged today.
Speaking after the Kremlin denied the two had just completed a torrid phone sex session, Elton John said 'I'm not even sure why I called him to be honest.'
'David is out of town and gave me permission to have a bit of fun which is so generous of him. Putin sucked me off under the grand piano at a concert last year and it took so, so long.'
'He was all teeth and very little tongue. And his licking of the balls was pathetic.'
'But I was feeling really horny and I knew he was free. And he is always gagging for the dick is our Vladimir. The closet is so big you can fit an entire West End musical in there.'
'But he refuses to allow gay people to love each other. So fearful. So paranoid. Vladimir, you looked so joyful and serene with my jizz dripping off your chin. Allow others that happiness.'
