JK Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series, has announced the house into which Albus Seberus Potter has been sorted it was announced.
Albus Potter, son of Harry and bullying victim on account of his stupid name, was sorted into Gryffindor house, the same as his parents.
'I am lucky to not be in Slytherin' said Potter, who is entirely fictional and therefore un-newsworthy.
'Hopefully the imaginary bullying will stop when I start at Hogwarts which is a school that doesn't exist.'
'I can't wait to play Quidditch, which is fictional, and learn potions, also fictional.'
'I suppose you could ask what is the point of this article? And the hundreds like it that are taking up precious column inches in newspapers that should be reporting on real fucking things!'