The four Britons who don't have a borderline emotional and chemical dependency on alcohol have been laughing at the efforts of Dryatheletes it has been revealed.
Of those taking part in the event in aid of Cancer research, which started yesterday, 84% have already had at least 6 pints since starting work this morning.
'Living and working in Britain is a torrid, joyless affair that is sustainable only through the use of recreational drugs and booze' said Ash Kennedy, failed Dryathlete.
But Colin Miles was deeply unsympathetic to such failures.
'It's slightly pathetic how dependent on booze we are as a nation. I can get through weeks without touching a drop'
But how we wondered?
'Oh, I'm on extremely strong antidepressants. My parents died yesterday and I haven't stopped smiling. I have cancer too. And it's so much fun!'