Those who believe the moon landings were faked, the twin towers were blown up by jews, the Queen is a lizard and George W. Bush wasn't a chimp are part of a worldwide conspiracy to help right wing politicians and big business it has emerged.
On condition of anonymity, Ash Kennedy, who believes the CIA have implanted fish nehind his eyes, said 'I saw a damning document in a Republican senators office.'
'It said that the actions of conspiracy theorists keep about 30% of the population paranoid and ignorant of the money and power the right are stealing.'
'People are so worried that men from Mars will put probes up their bottoms in their sleep that they pay no attention to how their lives are being fucked over by the right.'
'The memo also suggested some soft funsing for people like myself to keep the population busy. So it turns out that I am working for the man.'
'Honestly, as long as I have enough tin foil to keep making hats, I'm fine with it. Have you seen my dead mother? She was decomposing in that rocking chair a moment ago. Why are you running away? Stop screaming!'
