The English National Opera, set up so that everyday people have access to the arts has had its funding cut.
Artistic director, Henry Gordon said 'We have been putting on a diverse and varied program of arts for the masses. We have had The Bulgarian Funnel Jugglers, a superlative and wonderful display.'
He continued, 'To complement this, we have had The Barnsley Symphony Part-Orchestra, missing the string section but they were still good. And finally The Cocks of Droitwich, although granted that was just 4 drunk men from Droitwich. Getting their cocks out.
Sarah Holden, chair of the Opera foundation said, 'We have to justify the funding we receive. People aren't visitting because they have told us we are shite. The artistic director must stop getting the performers from Gumtree.'
