Channel 4, in association with Royal Swindon Insurance, are to offer a new policy to all viewers who have found themselves attacking their television whilst watching Grand Designs it has been announced.
Head of Programs at Channel 4, Mike Whittaker, said 'We received a rather florid video message from a customer and realised we had to do something.'
'He was sat in front of a smouldering carcass that used to be a television.'
'He said that the latest episode, featuring an accountant from Banbury building his second dream home had made him have a funny turn.'
We were played the video message.
'This prick, this obtuse, self-involved bag of jizz was complaining that he had run out of money despite having already spent over a million on the house.'
'Then he said he had borrowed a couple of hundred off a friend. McCloud said 'Thousand?' and the incredulity with which he said 'Yes, of course thousand!'
'Well I lost the fucking plot. Nobody wants to see that. I can barely pay the rent on my mouse infested, rotten floorboarded freezing shite palace without contemplating selling a fucking kidney.'
'So I smashed the shit out of the telly with a frozen chicken I keep handy just in case.
'I demand Channel 4 buy me a new one as you provoked me with the sheer scale of twattishness on display. New TV. Now!'
Policies start from £7 per month.
