As the Stormont assembly nears collapse for the 800th time since devolution, The Morning Gerald presents a guide about the what, who and why.
What:
The Stormont Assembly, a largely pointless talking shop that achieves nothing unless it bribes the UK and Irish governments for resources and support whilst mainatining a hilariously arrogant and aloof feeling of superiority and stature over the rest of Northern Ireland.
Who:
Sinn Fein, or more precisely, Sinn Fein/Ira. A campaigning group for Irish unity that alleges that it's violent past is behind it but turns a blind eye to community self-policing, gang activity and murder.
DUP, a fanatical christian party campaigning for continued British union but ignores all social advances in the rest of the UK and wishes to keep Northern Ireland as a rose tinted tribute to the 1950s and prevent anyone who isn't a white male heterosexual from ever having any joy in life.
Why:
Because both groups came under so much pressure to talk they eventually made a begrudging peace. But they don't really like it and occasionally throw their toys out of the pram like the fucking children they are whilst the 95% of Northern Irleand that just wants to get on with life is fucked over whilst a bunch of infants replay conflicts from over 30 years ago.
For further details and a more in depth analysis, ask your child about the two little boys that pull each others hair in nursery. This will provide a full and complete insight.
