Christians who wish to pay less tax, sanction the benefits payments of the poor and keep refugees out of Britain are to be tied down, eyelids taped open and the bible put in front of them until they have read the whole thing out loud, it has emerged.
Rich, largely Tory voting self-identifying Christians are to have every single one of their hypocritical views tested in this way until they resemble Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange.
'The only way to fix these emotionally stunted gibbering wrecks of humanity is to turn them into entirely different gibbering wrecks.' said Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute.
'These self-centred, arrogant, racist cunts see no irony whatsoever in being the exact opposite to Jesus in all things.'
'As long as they turn up on a Sunday, they can spend the other hours of the week being a cancer on the arse of humanity, a Daily Mail reading, hatred filled, desperation ignoring wank shovel.'
'Forced bible reading is the only way to get through what a massive leftie hippy Jesus was. The normal teaching methods seem to have elicited a finger in the ears approach. We'll break the bastards of it.'
