News has emerged from Conservative Party HQ that Jeremy Corbyn's beard wax is a Marxist and wants to eliminate all wealth is was announced.
The information, which came via Mr. Corbyn's stylist, Nicky Clarke, is the most explosive yet in a set of revelations about the new Labour leader.
'It's a shock to be sure' said Tory party chairman Grant Shapps.
'Our source says that his comb is genocidal, his glasses are members of the Socialist Workers Party and his bicycle once sent an intellectual to a gulag.'
'But the most horrific revelation of all is he wants to talk to the poor. And help them. Why?!? They smell. And they are so very, very poor. They disgust me with their small houses and Asda deliveries and their insistence on eating white bread.'
'The filthy animals.'
